Wikipedia:Requests for feedback

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This page provides comments and constructive criticism about articles that you have drafted, created, or substantially changed.
This is not a general help page. To seek assistance or ask a question, see Wikipedia:Questions.
If you are seeking an outside opinion about a dispute, please follow the steps in Wikipedia:Dispute resolution.
Please note that this page is patrolled by volunteer editors just like you and it may take several days to review your request.

Before you request feedback

There are certain things which come up again and again so it may help if you deal with them before requesting feedback:

Does your article have reliable sources? These are important in terms of both verifiability and notability.
Do you have a conflict of interest that may harm your ability to produce a neutral article?

If you would like a beginner's guide to these sorts of issues, take a look at the article wizard.

If you are unsure about how to edit Wikipedia articles, take a look at this tutorial.

For a more general discussion of writing your first article, see "Your first article".

How to post a request

Place a Wikilink, with the title of the page inside [[ and ]] - for example, [[User:Example/Lipsum]] or [[Cats]] - in the box below.
Click Click To Add Request
In the new article, Write a brief summary of your work or what in particular you need help with, but do not post the whole article here.
If you have rewritten an existing article, you may wish to provide a diff link from that article's history that shows your changes.
Check regularly for responses to your request; they will most often be made here.

↓ Post your request using the box below. Replace "Untitled" with a wikilink to your article - e.g. [[User:Example/Lipsum]] or [[Cats]] ↓

After Receiving Feedback

Check back here often, as you will receive a response here.
Respond to the feedback, either with a simple thank you, to ask for help with anything mentioned, or, after you've made some of the improvements, what they think of them.
Consider helping out here in the future - anyone can read up on what articles should be like and provide constructive criticism.

Are you providing feedback?

Please consider notifying the user whose article you are providing feedback for by placing a message on their talk page, so they will be able to read it in a timely manner and reply if necessary. You can use..
- {{Feedbackreply-sm}} A template asking the user to check back here and consider responding
- {{Feedbackreply-alt}} A more personal version of the first offering your help with developing, moving to mainspace, etc.

Click here to purge this page (For help, see Wikipedia:Purge)

The previous few days of requests are transcluded below. The pages for the past 20 days are: (click here to refresh)

Index of all requests for feedback

Template:Werdnabot

Jonathan Gleich

Greetings, I have re-publish this article, and would appreciate opinions, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Gleich

Thanks for any help, Lscappel (talk) 23:37, 5 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Greetings, I have opened the re-published article, but found it very difficult to grasp the main topic of the article. Provide more reliable sources to this article and it will help the reader understand the main points of the article.

Patricia —Preceding unsigned comment added by Pati2ksu (talk • contribs) 21:52, 14 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Mikhail Shufutinsky

I know a little about this singer Mikhail Shufutinsky - probably the most popular artist in the Russian chanson style - but I'm by no means well-placed to write an authoritative article.

Thought it would be useful to get one started and allow experts to amend.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Hearted_Hero

Hello, and thanks for taking the time to read this and help with editing. This is about a band I first saw on Vans Warped Tour, and having been following since. They have had great success including major radio play across the US, so I thought a little write up would be a good idea. Let me know your thoughts, thanksWikipedia Link

Band Myspace Major Radio Station Link

User:Thelema12/Dennis Van Roekel

I am working on a stub for an article about the President of the National Education Association, Dennis Van Roekel , and would appreciate any feedback. Thanks!--Thelema12 (talk) 19:29, 9 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Claims to this person's notability seem grounded, but your article also cites non-reliable sources, such as the Huffington Post and blogs. Also, to prevent a phenomenon known as linkrot, please use citation templates when citing webpages, or if this is not possible, at least give a short summary of the nature of the webpage. Intelligentsium^review 21:23, 10 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the tips. I've taken out the blog links, and put in New York Times articles and NEA press releases. Do I have enough info in the refs? Where do I get reference templates? Thanks!--Thelema12 (talk) 14:54, 13 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Bob Pereyra, The Godfather of Street Luge.

Please review my piece on Bob Pereyra, The Godfather of Street Luge.

Here are some projects, Bob worked on or was featured.

Commercials Diet Mountain Dew Discovery Channel Promotion Aero Sport - Australia & Japan Dew & Diet Mountain Dew Route66 British Knights Extreme Sports BBDO Mountain Dew Ad Spot ESPN promo for 1997 X Games Going To Extremes - Subaru Jack In the Box Air Force Film & Video 48 Hrs ABC 1995 – 2001 X-Games ESPN Extreme 101 (profiles) Wave Entertainment Extreme 101 documentary PM Magazine USA Today Discovery Channel - The Adventurers Sports center (ESPN) Prime Ticket Sports - Press Box MTV Sports Stuntmasters Belgian Television FNN Sport News L.A. TV Stations 2,4,7,5 & 9 Channel 17, San Diego CA Channel 56, Orange County CA French TV-1 ll Ne Faut Pas Rever Inside Edition Japan Network News - Video Voice 99 Guinness Prime Time Red Bull record attempt (81.28mph) HD Theater Discovery (The Secret Club Of Speed) News print, Magazines & Publications Sports Illustrated1995 Center Fold People (European Edition) Poweredge Center Fold View (U.S.) Transworld (International) Valley Magazine (L.A.) VSD (France) No Way (France) Outside/Outsiders Esquire Gentlemans¹ Quarterly/GQ Star Thrasher - Cover Photo Allsport Worldwide The London Face Zoot Capri - Cover Photo Popular Mechanics -1996 Center fold Playboy Books and Guides Street Luge Racing published by Capstone Press Street Luge Regulation Guide Street Luge sports cards memorabilia Print USA Today 3 articles L.A. Times (national wire feature) Christian Science Monitor 3 articles Ventura, CA Chronicle Daily News (L.A.) - 5 articles Acorn (LA) Providence Daily Journal cover Asahi Shim bun - Tokyo cover Narragansett RI Gazet

My name is Karen Wondra Grisham, (e-mail removed). October 11, 2009. Streetlugehome (talk) 16:39, 11 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Your article Bob Pereyra, The Godfather of Street Luge needs quite a bit of work before it can be an acceptable Wikipedia article. Here is some feedback:

Title - the title of the article should just be "Bob Pereya" - see our policy on naming conventions.
Style - is much too promotional; needs to be more encyclopedic - see our style guide.
Notability - the notability of the subject needs to be established by showing that he has been written about in independent reliable sources - see our notability guideline.
References - the quotes and facts given all need to be refernced back to reliable sources - see our verifiability policy

I suggest you look at some other biographies in Wikipedia, and try to copy their style and structure. Gandalf61 (talk) 17:25, 11 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The article has now been deleted by User:Orangemike under speedy deletion criteria G11 - unambiguous advertising or promotion. Gandalf61 (talk) 09:11, 12 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Boyd's Marriage Index

Boyd's Marriage Index Eddaido (talk) 06:42, 12 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

This article does not conform to WP:MOS. Please read the relevant pages. Intelligentsium^review 01:47, 13 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The Tribe

I hope this is the right place for my request. I've been working on The Tribe article for some time now but I don't edit very regularly. I've tried to make the article as clean as possible and to include citations, references and images. Other contributors have added sections about fan productions and a cast reunion. Is this relevant to the article? I would greatly appreciate any input from other contributors/editors that could assist in improving the article as it now stands. Thank you very much. ErisDysnomia (talk) 16:09, 12 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The article is currently rated B-class, which means it's a pretty good article. User:Orangemike has beaten me to removing the CRUFTy sections, but overall, I don't see any obvious issues that need to be addressed. One thing, I would do, however, is add more third-party sources, independent of the subject. There are already some, but many sources are from the Official Website, which is accepted in articles about TV series, but generally not in other types. Thank you for trying to help out; if you need anything, let me know, or ask a question. Cheers, Intelligentsium^review 01:42, 13 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Dog Reproduction

sup, I think it would improve this Internet homepage if there was an article and not a redirect at the article Dog Reproduction. I think it should be a disharmonious homepage because they are several different things that can be meant by dog Reproduction, but now it redirects to Canine reproduction. An editor thought it would not be a good idea to make it that way and that to make it good should be asked on the homepage for canine reproduction but no one has since replied to the talk page on Canine reproduction. I think my idea is a good idea, what do you think? Could you comment in on that please. Peter Napkin Dance Party (talk) 04:03, 13 October 2009 (UTC) Thanks[reply]

This page is for comments on "This page is intended to provide comments and constructive criticism about articles that you have created or substantially changed" so this may not be the best venue. I have commented on the talk page, though.Cptnono (talk) 04:51, 13 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks Cptnono. I searched a few of the other pages and this seemed to be the one that fit the best. It didn't look like there was much discussion on the canine reproduction talk page. Could you, or anyone else, point me to a better forum for future reference? Peter Napkin Dance Party (talk) 19:44, 13 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

St.Christopher's School Bahrain a British-Style School

Hi can you please feedback me on my article : St.Christopher's School Bahrain a British-Style School . Thanks, The arabic if possible too —Preceding unsigned comment added by RayanB (talk • contribs) 15:23, 13 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Your article St Christopher's School Bahrain requires a lot of work before it is suitable for Wikipedia. I have made some edits to bring its layout in line with Wikipedia's standards. I have also fixed some grammatical errors and removed some text that was too promotional and made the article sounds like an advertisement. I have also removed the Arabic text - if you want to write an article in Arabic then it belongs in the appropriate language Wikipedia. The most important improvements that are still needed in this article are (a) it needs references to reliable sources to validate the facts that are stated in the article and (b) it needs references to independent third-party sources to show that its subject is notable. Gandalf61 (talk) 15:46, 13 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Jacqui1311/Douglas Sannachan

Douglas Sannachan can be found at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Jacqui1311/Douglas_Sannachan

I would be very grateful to get feedback on a new page on a Scottish Actor Douglas Sannachan to see if it would be acceptable as a Wikipedia entry.

Mnay thanks for your time.

Jacqui1311 (talk) 21:38, 13 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

It's a good start. To get the article ready to be released into Wikipedia article space, you need to do a few things:

Add links to other Wikipedia article - for example, link Gregory's Girl to Gregory's Girl - see Wikipedia:Linking for instructions on how to do this.
Add an infobox, such as the actor infobox - see Help:Infobox for help.
Add the article to some categories, such as Category:Scottish film actors - see Wikipedia:Categorization for more information on Wikipedia categories.

Take a look at our article on Alex Norton for a good example that you could follow. Gandalf61 (talk) 10:11, 14 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your comments Gandalf61. I've managed to do all of that. Cheers —Preceding unsigned comment added by Jacqui1311 (talk • contribs) 19:41, 14 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Farside (band)

This page was deleted via WP:PROD for failing the notability requirements. I've tried to fix it at User:Peachlette/Farside (band), but would like a second opinion before re-introducing the article. peachlette (talk) 00:17, 14 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Wridgways

Please let me know if you think this article will be acceptable. This historical information has never been published before now, so there is no published reference to cite, however it is important to the company (Wridgways) that some record of its history is recorded.

124.148.187.229 (talk) 03:26, 14 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Some feedback on your draft article:

Contents - the article focuses almost entirely on the history of the company, ending in 1999. It would make for a more balanced artcile if you shortened the history section and added more about the company's current size, business activities, locations etc.
Sources - Wikipedia requires that information in its articles can be verified from reliable sources. I am afraid that unpublished company archives do not count as a reliable source in Wikipedia's terms.
Notability - the article needs to establish the notability of its subject. To do this, it needs to show that the company has received significant coverage in independent, third party sources - see the guideline at Wikipedia:Notability (organizations and companies). References to newspaper or trade journal articles about the company would help here.
Conflict of Interest - if you are employed by or connected with the company, then you should read our conflict of interest guideline.

If you want to create a history of the company based mainly on its internal archives, then Wikipedia is probably not the right place to do this. Gandalf61 (talk) 09:43, 14 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks. I have added more about the company and will search further for articles that I can reference.--124.148.187.229 (talk) 23:48, 18 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Bristol Pitbulls

Hello,

I recently constructed a new article for a recently formed English Professional Ice Hockey Team, the Bristol Pitbulls, located at the following wiki link

[Bristol Pitbulls]

Essentially, since it was moved to the live Wiki page, it is still showing as a new unreviewed article, and I could really use some assistance in getting this page 100% live.

I cannot see where people have the option to review the article?

If anybody can help me out, it would be most appreciated.

Jimmy Eyre Jimmy Villa (talk) 12:00, 15 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I have removed the {{new unreviewed article}} tag, but I have added a {{notability}} tag because I think the article at the moment fails to establish its subject's notability - see our notability guideline. I have also rewritten most of the article to remove the "sports journalism" style of writing. Wikipedia is an encycliopedia, so phrases like "plough their trade", "proving just how far they had come", "what a start" etc. are not appropriate in our articles. Gandalf61 (talk) 13:21, 15 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Burning Condors

User:Passenger69/BurningCondors —Preceding unsigned comment added by Passenger69 (talk • contribs) 15:01, 15 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I would be very grateful to get feedback on a new page on British band Burning Condors to see if it would be acceptable as a Wikipedia entry.

Thanks for your help Passenger69 (talk) —Preceding undated comment added 16:34, 15 October 2009 (UTC).[reply]

Article Name: Bernard Belle

Article Name: Bernard Belle Bernard Belle

Dear All,

I have read many help articles within WIKIPEDIA but am getting nowhere finishing my article on Composer, Bernard Belle. Can someone assist me?

1. I am done entering most of the facts, discography, etc. 2. Some of the songs credited to Mr. Belle appear as "page not found"--How do I correct this?

Any help you can offer me would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

Blairsmom (talk) 18:58, 15 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

User:Blairsmom/Bernard Belle looks like a great start, and four grammies should be ample evidence that the subject is notable. I would make minor changes such as splitting it into a lead and named sections, and make his colleagues' names into links, but that's advice on Wikipedia's style rather than any fault in the article itself. Why not remove the {{NOINDEX}} and {{underconstruction}} tags and move it to the main article space where everyone can improve it? To make it easier to find, you can edit some of the articles mentioned in Special:Search/Bernard Belle to link to your article, and copy appropriate [[Category:whatever]] links from a similar article like Teddy Riley (producer).

"Page not found" simply means that no one has created an article about that subject yet. It's a normal feature and not an error. If the song is notable enough to merit a whole article to itself, then leave the redlink in place: it will automatically turn blue when someone (perhaps you) writes that article. If it's not notable then just take the double square brackets off (or replace by double apostrophes for italics) and leave the title as normal black text. Certes (talk) 10:08, 16 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The page is now in article space and other editors have contributed. I've added a few further suggestions on its talk page Talk:Bernard Belle. Certes (talk) 12:37, 18 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

cross-sell

I am simply looking for feedback regarding an article I am working to post Cross-Sell

--Cross-Sell (talk) 20:25, 15 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The COI is obvious; this username has been blocked. --Orange Mike | Talk 21:08, 15 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Neamat Imam, Bengali Poet

I have just posted the above articile to Wiki, my first. Just baffled by too many information about how to post. [article URL: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neamat_Imam,_Bengali_Poet] Wanted to add the website of the poet www.neamatimam.com in the body of the article, but failed. And also don't know if the article will appear whens searched with Wiki search tool. Hasib —Preceding unsigned comment added by Intertext (talk • contribs) 21:33, 15 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The article was deleted by User:David Fuchs under speedy deletion criteria A7 - "An article about a real person ... that does not indicate why its subject is important or significant". Gandalf61 (talk) 08:31, 17 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Clarinda

Hello. I'm looking for feedback about my first Wikipedia article: [Clarinda]

It's about the anonymous Peruvian poet who is famous for the poem "Discourse in Praise of Poetry". She may also be Peru's first female poet. I'm happy to consider any revisions you find necessary before I move it off of my user page.

Thank you in advance for your help! elDustado 02:15, 16 October 2009 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Eldustado (talk • contribs)

I think the article is fine - well written and laid out, plenty of sources, establishes notability - and it is ready to be moved into main article space. One small point - as the article includes a sample of poetry in Spanish, it would be good to also have an English translation of this passage. Congratulations on an excellent first article. Gandalf61 (talk) 08:37, 17 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you! The poem hasn't been translated into English by any professional writers -- Is it acceptable for me to translate it myself? elDustado 17:31, 17 October 2009 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Eldustado (talk • contribs)

Good question. The problem with adding your own translation is that it could be challenged as "original research". However, our policy on original research says "Where English translations of non-English material are unavailable, Wikipedia editors may supply their own. If such translations are challenged, editors should cooperate in producing one they can agree on". So, yes, you can add your own translation, but other editors may change it. Gandalf61 (talk) 12:33, 18 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Polyoxyethyleneamine or Polyethoxylated tallow amine (POEA)

I don't have the time to do this, but the above chemical is an "inert" ingredient in Roundup that is extremely toxic. This topic is currently a stub and badly needs to be written up. A quick perusal of pubmed shows very recent, very important new toxicity data on POEA.

The "active" ingredient in Roundup, glyphosate, is relatively nontoxic. However, the "inert" ingredient POEA is proving to be extremely toxic. The public needs to be made aware of this.

In addition, I haven't looked at "inert ingredients" on Wikipedia, but if it isn't made clear that "inert" when its on the label of chemical products such as Roundup and dishwashing detergent doesn't mean that it does nothing, and that so-called "inert" ingredients can be more toxic than "active ingredients", this needs to be done urgently. It's important that the public become aware of this ruse. Nocow (talk) 16:52, 16 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I think you are in the wrong place. This page is for requests for feedback about articles that an editor has created or substantially changed. Your comments should be made at the POEA article talk page at Talk:Polyethoxylated tallow amine or at Talk:Roundup. The Roundup article says "Another important ingredient of Roundup is the surfactant POEA (Polyethoxylated tallow amine), known for its toxicity in wildlife, it increases herbicide penetration in plant cells". Gandalf61 (talk) 07:05, 17 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Helper Man

helper manTvfan17 (talk) 01:46, 17 October 2009 (UTC)Grant Gabel 15/10/09[reply]

If you are asking for feedback on an article, please post a link to the article page. I can't find an article called "Helper Man" in either main article space or in your user space. Gandalf61 (talk) 10:45, 17 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Más. Nelly Furtado Song

Más (2009)

hello guys. I need help with this posting. i haven't yet found information for this.

Jgabino000

There are two draft articles in your user space : User:Jgabino000/Más and User:Jgabino000/Mas (Nelly Furtado Song). Both are one line articles, and so are nowhere near ready for release into main article space. As an example of what you should be aiming at in article on a released single, take a look at Manos al Aire or Give It to Me (Timbaland song). If you cannot find enough information about the single to make a substantial article, then it is probably not notable enough for inclusion in Wikipedia. Gandalf61 (talk) 10:57, 17 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

List of jazz biographies

I am compiling a list of jazz biographies at User:Chitownjazz/List of jazz biographies.

Is this considered an appropriate article? If so, what should the citations be?

Any other feedback?

Also, I can't figure out how to make this entry "signed".

Thanks, --Chitownjazz (talk) 20:54, 17 October 2009 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Chitownjazz (talk • contribs) 14:43, 17 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

To sign a message, just type --~~~~ at the end of your message. I may be wrong, but I don't think a List of jazz biographies is an appropriate article. I believe this falls under WP:NOTDIRECTORY, which is that Wikipedia is not a directory of loosely associated topics. There are so many biographies published, that the page really will just grow infinitely since biographies will continually be published. Also, many of the biographies are not notable, and so probably shouldn't be included on the list. I think creating articles for the biographies (provided they are notable), and then using a category would be the best course of action. But I would also wait for another user to weigh in before abandoning the effort. --Odie5533 (talk) 17:42, 17 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Rohini Village(West Bengal)

I have discussed about Rohini Village...Please comment on this and rate it...any improvements should be accepted if correct.Please visit the following link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rohini_Village(West_Bengal) thank you Soumitrajana (talk) 16:03, 17 October 2009 (UTC)Soumitra Kr Jana 17/10/2009[reply]

Hello and welcome to Wikipedia! If you haven't already, please take a look at the WP:Introduction page as it discusses writing new articles, and also the links at the top of this page. Looking at the page you've made, a few things hit me immediately: you don't need a header for introduction (lede) section; be careful not to put spaces before the bullet points (*) or it will show up as pre-formatted text in the funny looking box. The article delves right into the gritty details of the subject, first thing I want to know when reading the article is what is Rohini Village? An example first line for the article would be "Rohini is a village in the eastern Indian state of West Bengal". Phrases like "Gram-panchayet" and "Sankrail block Paschim Medinipur" don't mean anything to me, probably because I don't know much about India. But you want the article to be generally useful, or useful to people who know nothing about India, or perhaps only that India is a country somewhere in Asia. The other thing I notice is that you have no references. If I may refer you to our excellent page on wp:verifiability, and it's counterpart, the reliable sources page, I think you should be on your way to finding excellent references for the village. The article has a lot of Wikipedia Manual of Style problems, but those are all minor things which can be combed through later. The article seems to be off to an okay start, and I hope you continue editing to make it even better. Again, welcome. --Odie5533 (talk) 17:32, 17 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

PS22 chorus

This is my very first article and it has been tagged for cleanup because apparently it is (was?) reminiscent of an essay rather than an encyclopedic article.

I have deleted the suspected sentences now. What do I have to do to get rid of the "unreviewed" and "cleanup" banner?

Zendrig (talk) 17:36, 17 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

First, welcome to Wikipedia! If you haven't already, take a look at the WP:Introduction page as it has lots of great help for creating your first article. While the cleanup banner can be removed by anyone, I would recommend leaving both up until another user comes through and gives the article a good once over to make sure it's up to par. A lot of users, well, over-tag articles with big ugly banners at the top which often stay on the articles for a long time. If the article doesn't require general cleanup, then it at least has prose problems or missing sources or one of an innumerable number of other cookie-cutter problem tags on it. Don't be discouraged by the tags, just make sure you are trying to address the problems they point out and continue improving the articles.

That being said, looking over the article it does indeed need some cleanup. Trivia sections are generally discouraged, so I'd recommend moving the information it contains into regular prose instead of a bullet list. Having block quotes from media sources is also generally a bad idea since it comes across as advertising. I usually leave block quote for use only on pages about dead people or historic things, just to be safe. The choice of section titles feels awkward, and like an advertisement. Perhaps a Chorus section, and just put the information about the director in the Chorus section, and also perhaps change "The Music" section to just "Music". The Celebrity following" section would also be better as a prose section, and feel less like a marketing gimmick. Please consider these as only recommendations, you don't need to follow each one to a tee. And again, welcome to Wikipedia. --Odie5533 (talk) 17:57, 17 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks! I restructured the whole article now and tried to incorporate all of your advices in the updated version. Zendrig (talk) 23:50, 17 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Can i get some help for my new created article: bpled?

Can i get some help for my new created article about the google dark of bpled?

The page gives an error too.. so can you help me?

I'm new with wikipedia :) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Joerijj (talk • contribs) 20:11, 17 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Hello and welcome to Wikipedia! If you have not already done so, please take a look at WP:Introduction. The Bpled article is being considered for deletion because it does not meet Wikipedia's guidelines for notability. New articles must be created on topics which have received "significant coverage in secondary reliable source." While the them you have created may in fact be useful, Wikipedia is not the place to share the theme or market it. Please see WP:NOT#OR for more information on what Wikipedia is not. And again, welcome to Wikipedia. --Odie5533 (talk) 20:29, 17 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Artticel Request

I've been trying to update information for a group called the Dukes of DaVille. They have several references already linked on Wikipedia and I've noticed that every time we try to create a page it gets deleted. The last time a page was put together was in February of 08. Since then the group has gained much success and press and we would like to added to the wikipedia site now. Please let me know what it is that I have to do to update this information. dclark@imagemakersmedia.com —Preceding unsigned comment added by Mrdarnelclark (talk • contribs) 02:03, 18 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Dukes of DaVille article was deleted because it was very short and had no context to identify what the subject was. First you should head over to WP:Notability and make sure the subject (Dukes of DaVille) is considered notable. Then go to WP:RS and read about what Wikipedia considers reliable sources. Gather up your sources, and create the article at User:Mrdarnelclark/Dukes of DaVille. Then when you are sure it is long enough, click the move button and move the article to Dukes of DaVille. Use this method so that you can build up the article before putting it in the general encyclopedia. If you have any problems let me know. --Odie5533 (talk) 05:12, 18 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Wlad Godzich

Just created this article (moved it from userspace): Wlad Godzich. It's my first (hopefully) solid article published, so very interested in any feedback or contributions.Strom (talk) 04:01, 18 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I have provided feedback on the talk page of the article. --Odie5533 (talk) 05:28, 18 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Oklahoma Association of Student Councils

Thank you for reviewing my article about the organization that oversees all high school student councils in Oklahoma. [Oklahoma Association of Student Councils] Jdelozier (talk) 04:34, 18 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The most urgent problem with Oklahoma Association of Student Councils is that it does not demonstrate the notability of the association. To fix this, you need to show that the association is covered in independent, reliable sources. There need to be specific references to these sources - the general external links at the bottom of the article are not sufficiently specific. Read our guideline on notability for more information. The article has been flagged for possible speedy deletion because of this problem, but I have added a {{hangon}} tag that may give you some extra time to make the necessary improvements.

Other less urgent problems are the external links embedded in the article's text - these should be converted into references - and the long list of districts, which adds nothing useful to the article - I would remove it. Gandalf61 (talk) 12:52, 18 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The article has now been moved to your user space, at User:Jdelozier/Oklahoma Association of Student Councils. Gandalf61 (talk) 19:48, 18 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Bank War

I rewrote Bank War some time ago in an attempt to give it more balance and supply more reliable sources. I was hoping people would look it over as time went on, but it appears to be a pretty low traffic article. In any case, any feedback is appreciated. It's possible the article needs to be merged somewhere, but I don't really know how to do that, so any help would be appreciated. Thank you Wikilost (talk) 05:57, 18 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

David I. Shapiro

After the death of David Shapiro, earlier this month, I was appalled to discover he didn't have a Wikipedia Page. David I. Shapiro is entirely my creation, anybody who has suggestions or contributions is very welcome to make them. Right now, the only eyes really on the article are mine, and I could use a second opinion. Wikilost (talk) 06:39, 18 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The article looks fine to me. I have made some minor copyedits. For more detailed feedback, you could ask at an appropriate Wikiproject, such as WikiProject Law. Gandalf61 (talk) 13:09, 18 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Novalis Engine

Novalis Engine This is my first publication and I would appreciate if someone could review this and give me and pointers on what needs changed/added. Thanks a ton!

Krankzinnig (talk) 00:06, 19 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

What the article needs the most (and something I've tagged it for) is an assertion of notability. The best way to demonstrate the notability of a subject is to provide multiple reliable sources that discuss or review the engine. These would generally be articles in newspapers, magazines, or the more prominent websites. If notability is never demonstrated, the article may be deleted. Someguy1221 (talk) 01:05, 19 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, I added an outside source that reviewed the engine alongside other engines reviewed. If this isn't enough please let me know but I will be able to add more soon. Krankzinnig (talk) 01:25, 19 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Idiot/idiocy (Athenian democracy)

I was hoping someone would take a look at this entry that I've added to distinguish it from conventional usage with a more nuanced modern view that is resurrecting its etymological origins.

Idiot/Idiocy (Athenian Democracy)

Thank you for your assistance.

Josh Breadncircuses (talk) 21:07, 19 October 2009 (UTC)Breadncircuses[reply]

The concept is notable and worthy of an article, but it needs work. I will look at it over the next few days. One important point is the title, it should be something like Idiot (Athenian democracy) to avoid a title containing a "/", so I will move it accordingly. Also, the modern usage stuff can be reduced in size as we already have an article on that. – ukexpat (talk) 21:19, 19 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Cultural Impact of Michael Jackson

This article refers to the cultural impact of Michael Jackson, both positive (influence) and negative, such as parodies. I thought it was important to make this article as his main article is already too long and does not contain enough information. Currently this article exists under my userspace. User:JTBX/Cultural impact of Michael Jackson

Please help me construct it or tell me your opinions. Thanks. JTBX (talk) 00:28, 20 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

At the moment, this draft is much too short to be a separate article. It would be a good idea to talk to the folks at WikiProject Michael Jackson| to see (a) whether they think a separate "Cultural impact" article is necessary and (b) whether anyone is interested in helping you work on it - I see you have already posted a message on their talk page. Gandalf61 (talk) 09:59, 20 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Rufus Bowen

I've written a short biography of Robert "Rufus" Bowen (1947-1978), an important UC Berkeley mathematician. User:Chaslsullivan/Rufus_Bowen This biography is strong on the "biography" and weak on the "math", but I hope that someone who really knows her math will come along and expand the article to describe Bowen's mathematical work in more detail. This is my first article, so please let me know if you see any obvious mistakes that need to be fixed. I really appreciate it. Thanks.Chaslsullivan (talk) 01:34, 20 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The article looks mostly fine to me - well written, well sourced, good layout. Here are a few suggestions:

There are a couple of peacock phrases in the lead paragraph - "internationally known" and "still inspires current research"; unless you can cite specific instances to substantiate these descriptions, I suggest you remove them.
Make sure you are conforming to the style guidelines for biographies in the Manual of Style (biographies) - I don't think it is standard to include places of birth/death alongside the subject's dates, for example.
You could use the Infobox scientist template to add an infobox - see David Hilbert for an example. Gandalf61 (talk) 10:20, 20 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you, Gandalf61. I've changed the areas you have suggested. I've made a few other small modifications and added two sentences about Bowen's political activities. (In the Infobox scientist template I put Bowen's formula to which I've seen several references in papers and books, but I am not competent to explain or elaborate. Should I remove it??)

Any further feedback is still welcome.Chaslsullivan (talk) 19:24, 20 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

John Franklin Botume

I wrote a new article on a relatively important voice pedagogue. User:Pitchperfect/John Franklin Botume I should probably go into more detail about what was so important in his writing, but what do you think so far? It is my first article on wikipedia. Thanks. Pitchperfect (talk)pitchperfect

It's important to review WP:COPYREQ and carry out the steps to properly secure permission, including making sure those giving permission understand they are giving permission for use beyond Wikipedia. Once that is done, the Source section can be removed. While not required, it might be wise to include a mention of the sourcing on the Talk page, so some editor doesn't stumble across the original and flag it as a possible copyvio.

The article itself looks good, nice start.
Footnote 4 may be problematic, will return with more specifics.
Is there any way to provide citations for the work? I realize they may be out of print, but citations are still in order.
Please make sure to review the copyright issues noted on your talk page --SPhilbrick T 16:38, 20 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Following up on footnote 4 (Additional biographical information obtained through personal correspondence with J. F. Botume’s great great niece Martha Winters) —your diligence, while laudable, is regrettably not appropriate for an encyclopedia. See see WP:OR generally, and WP:PRIMARY specifically. --SPhilbrick T 16:48, 20 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Dorian Holley

I am seeking feedback on the article Dorian Holley. This is a short biography on the Vocal Director for Michael Jackson's "This is It" tour.

Thank you for your time.

Brownsugarnay (talk) 08:49, 20 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The article needs to establish its subject's notability by including references to independent, reliable sources. It also needs more sources for general verification of biographical information and body of work. Gandalf61 (talk) 11:55, 21 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

209 A Story

Hello all,

I am new to creating article on Wikipedia and I'd be grateful for any assistance.

Please check my article 209 A Story and either directly improve the article or assist with its online appearance.

JoeGroves 20 October, 2009 —Preceding unsigned comment added by JoeGroves (talk • contribs) 10:31, 20 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The layout doesn't conform to the requirements for Wikipedia. See WP:LAYOUT. You might find it help to pick another notable novel, find it here and use that as a model. To avoid picking a model that isn't a good model, you might check out Wikipedia:Ga#Arts and scroll down to section 5.4 to see books that have reached the level of Good Article.--SPhilbrick T 16:58, 20 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

SATURN (Simulation and Assignment of Traffic to Urban Road Networks)

Hi everyone,

I've written an article and SATURN - a peice of software for traffic simulation/modelling. This is a notable piece of software in the industry. Thus far I have kept the article short and, I hope, concise. I'd welcome feedback before letting the article go live. the page can be found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Mg169706/SATURN.

Ben

--Mg169706 (talk) 13:55, 20 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Style and layout are fairly good, but before this draft is ready for release into main article space it needs to demonstrate the notability of the software. This can be done by including references that show that the software has been covered in independent reliable sources. See our notability guideline for more information. Gandalf61 (talk) 14:24, 20 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

James Guilford (writer)

I am requesting feedback for my article James Guilford (writer). I am having a technical problem: I want to change the title to James Guilford (deleting the writer part). Also, how do you get my article reviewed?

Thanks for your time.

Badspllr (talk) 23:56, 20 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The article has been reviewed and deleted, as there was no indication the subject was in any way notable or suitable as the subject of an encyclopedia article. (I will also not that the subject, or a person claiming to be the subject, has also apparently been involved in the making of this article, a clear-cut conflict of interest; but that's not why the article was deleted.) --Orange Mike | Talk 02:10, 21 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

question

Hi.

Im an admin on the dispute infested Persian wikipedia. There are only 6 admins. Our laws are basically copies of EN WP. I need advice from you. My question:

An admin gets involved in a content dispute in an article with some users (7 or 8 other involved editors I reckon). Some r against him, some side with him. Anyway, after a while, he leaves the dispute and quits editing the article entirely, and the fight of course continues and the article is heavily edited every day one way or the other. A month later, the fight heats up again between the same parties. Edit wars break out. The admin (who has not been involved for a month now) jumps in and (citing disruptive behaviour and edit warring) blocks the main responsible user for 24hrs. It turns out this blocked user was the same person the admin was involved with in their intense dispute a month ago. Now some ppl are crying foul, and claiming that since the admin was involved a month ago, and has therefore conflict of interest, he was hence not justified in blocking the user, whether he was right or not.

Do u guys agree? Is a month enough time to not be considered involved? When does one become de-involved? A month after you leave the article? A year after? Was this admin justified in blocking the edit warring user?

I'll read your input. As always, I'm grateful to the wealth of advice u give me.--Zereshk (talk) 21:22, 20 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I think you are in the wrong place. This page is for editors requesting feedback on articles that they have written or contributed to. I see you have posted the same question on several other more relevant noticeboards including WP:AN. Gandalf61 (talk) 11:47, 21 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I didnt get the feedback I was expecting there. As usual, it seems we're on our own. But thanks any. I tried.--Zereshk (talk) 17:50, 21 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Edith (Coutts) O'Shaugnessy

With very little biographical information available, I dumped what I had into an article on the now forgotten U.S. journalist, travel writer and early Hollywood screenwriter.

She is probably better known in Mexico than in the U.S. today, mostly because she wrote (and wrote very well) about the Revolution of 1910-20... from the "wrong side" -- the losing one anyway -- being a defender of aristocracy, elitism and the rich. My interest and expertise is Mexican history, so revisions by those with background in feminist literature, travel writing, film history, etc. would be helpful.

And, yes, I know there are all kinds of annoying grammatical errors. I cut and pasted from myself, and then did a quick-n-dirty edit just to get something up a woman who, for all her reactionary ideas, was ahead of her time as a married woman with her own career, as well as a "helpmate" to a politically important spouse. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Richmx2 (talk • contribs) 06:52, 21 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The article looks okay to me. I have made some minor edits to it. Gandalf61 (talk) 12:04, 21 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Paul_West(sci-fi author)

User:Colemanchris/Paul_West(sci-fi author)

Just wrote my first article.

It's on Paul West the sci-fi author, whose debut novel was published a couple months ago.

Since this is my first article ever, please give your feedback on whether you feel the article will be accepted.

Colemanchris (talk) 10:29, 21 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I moved it to User:Colemanchris/Paul West (science fiction author); don't use a pejorative in an article title. This is a non-notable writer, author of a non-notable book (apparently self-published?), and with no reliable sources. We're talking about a perfect candidate for speedy deletion under A7, unless there is something you haven't put into the article to change that. --Orange Mike | Talk 14:41, 21 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Sacred Heart Church Battersea

I request feedback on this article: "Sacred Heart Church Battersea"

[Sacred Heart Church Battersea]

I've based the layout on this page: [Sacred Heart Church Wimbledon]

Rwickham (talk) 16:25, 21 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I have made some minro edits to improve the layout of the article. I think it needs more references to establish the notability of the church. Then it will be ready to be moved to main article space. Gandalf61 (talk) 09:22, 22 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you. The page has been updated with additional information and references. Your feedback would be appreciated once again. Rwickham (talk) 14:40, 23 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Help with Self-Sealing Fastener Entry

Gentlemen & Ladies,

Thanks for leaving up "Self-Sealing Fastener" entry long enough to give those interested time to help properly edit following Wiki Protocols. There is no question the entry author will need some tutoring to make it truely enclopedic and not self-serving fluff, etc... The Fredonia Group >ref< in Oct '08 predicted the high tech fastener industry to grow to $60 Billion by 2012. There is a sea change happening in the industry as fasteners try to catch up with applications. The direct all-encompasing knowledge base in very slim. Important fastener decisions around the country are being made with scant background. I hope what I said wasn't self-serving... I work for Sealtight Technology. LarryJB (talk) 19:35, 21 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Manage the view, manage your success

This is the first time I placed an article and would like feedback. Since I just created a log on today, it won't let me move it from a draft to live. How can I do this?

Thank you for your time and help. Mary Williams October 21, 2009 Mary K. Williams (talk) 19:47, 21 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Your draft article is at User:Mary K. Williams/new article name here.

I am afraid as it currently stands it is not an encyclopedic article - it is not really clear what it is, it reads like an advertisement for something which would be a violation of WP:SPAM or it could be an article about some business concept, in which case it needs to be written in an encyclopedic manner with reliable sources to support notability. – ukexpat (talk) 20:11, 21 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

It was also a copyright violation of this! and deleted as such. --Orange Mike | Talk 21:20, 21 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Grey Gardens Syndrome

I am just starting. So far I wrote on article "Grey Gardens Syndrome" about a psychological scenario, an odd mother-daughter bond, which was exemplified in the documentary and film "Grey Gardens". —Preceding unsigned comment added by Carlos4179 (talk • contribs) 01:52, 22 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I am not sure that your article Grey Gardens Syndrome is encyclopedic. It reads more like an essay or personal reflection than an encyclopedia article. Did you invent the term "Grey Gardens Syndrome" yourself ? Unless the term is in general use (and this can be demonstrated by reference to reliable sources) then it is not suitable for inclusion in Wikipedia, and your article is likely to be deleted. Gandalf61 (talk) 09:52, 22 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Ujjwal Nikam

Ujjwal Nikam User:Mtbhoite/Ujjwal Nikam

I have created this Wikipedia article on special public prosecutor Ujjwal Nikam. Please read the article and provide me feedback.

Mtbhoite (talk) 07:07, 22 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I have made some copyedits to improve the grammar and style of the draft article. You need to provide sources for the biographical and career facts in the artice. Each source should be linked to the relevant sentence in the article using an in-line citation. For help on how to format in-line citations, see Wikipedia:Citing sources. Gandalf61 (talk) 09:16, 23 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Galen Institute

This page was cited for neutrality issues - I tried to clean it up and make the language more objective, and I've added a bunch of external sources, but any additional advice/help would be appreciated. —Preceding unsigned comment added by FreeMarketHealthcare (talk • contribs) 14:39, 22 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Carbon burning process

I've added a lot of new material to this existing article. This was partly motivated by the article having warnings, which have now been removed, and partly by my wish to understand the process better myself. The article is about the nuclear process of fusing carbon nuclei with themselves to form heavier elements, such as sodium, neon and magnesium, which occurs in stars of at least 4 solar masses. This process seems inextricably bound up with stellar evolution so I added a section about that, concentrating on the mass range of stars relevant to carbon fusion. Also, my searches turned up material about the s-process and neutrino losses. I have references to the material I added. I still don't have a suitable reference to the temperature and density figures which headed the article before I added to it. I would also like feedback on the neutrino losses section. I'm unsure how to relate this to the carbon fusion energy generation and cooling of the core by neutrino emission. Thanks.Puzl bustr (talk) 18:28, 22 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Michael Goldfarb (author and journalist)

This is the first entry I've created and would be grateful for any feedback on the article.

Also there is an issue of disambiguation - there is another Michael Goldfarb in Wikipedia and I am not sure what the correct disambiguation procedure would be (I have read the wiki page on disambiguation). At the moment, if searching on Wikipedia and one types in Michael Goldfarb, there is only the one entry.

Thank you!

Chris (Chriscortona (talk) 12:41, 23 October 2009 (UTC))[reply]

I have made some minor edits to the article. The biographical and career facts in the article should be linked to specific references using in-line citations - see Wikipedia:Citing sources. I have placed a "hatnote" on the other Michael Goldfarb article to provide disambiguation. Gandalf61 (talk) 14:37, 23 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Nathalie_Pownall

hello there I have written an article about the above actress Nathalie Pownall but don't know how to post it live or how to link it to the other links where she is referenced? Can you help?

Flyonthewall48 (talk) 14:04, 23 October 2009 (UTC)flyonthewall48 13:46, 23 October 2009 (GMT)[reply]

I have cleaned up the draft a little and moved it from your user space to Nathalie Pownall. As for linking to it in other articles, just use the [[Nathalie Pownall]] formatting. – ukexpat (talk) 15:20, 23 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Request for Feedback on New Article (Military Unit)

Good Afternoon,

Myself and another Officer of this unit have created a new article and are looking to get some feedback on how to improve our product. Ours is actually a better page than our headquarters, but in order to stay ahead of the game we're looking for any ideas that can keep us ahead of the game.

Thanks!

-1LT Collin A. Smith, 13th CSSB, Fort Benning, GA

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/13th_Combat_Sustainment_Support_Battalion_(United_States) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Casmith07 (talk • contribs) 17:50, 23 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

It looks great through the Task Organisation section, I am not sure whether the sections on the Commanders are appropriate. Might be a good idea to seek assistance from The Military History Project. – ukexpat (talk) 19:06, 23 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I also deleted the Credits section as it's not appropriate for the article page (the edit history shows who created the article) and the External links section as it was empty. – ukexpat (talk) 19:13, 23 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Brett Favres page

Do you think you could change Bretts Jet picture to a Viking picture now that he plays for the Vikings team. It would be very appreciated.

Thank you —Preceding unsigned comment added by 69.163.18.214 (talk) 22:09, 23 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Hi! This page is meant for people to request feedback for articles they have recently submitted or worked on, so it might not be the best forum for this topic. However, I took a quick look on Wikimedia Commons for any pictures of Brett with the Vikings, and I couldn't see any. I also looked on Flickr for a freely licensed image (which is what Wikimedia uses for images of living people), and I also didn't see any there. If you happen to have one, and would like to submit it with a free license, feel free to post on my talk page and I can lead you through the steps. :-) Killiondude (talk) 22:49, 23 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Feedback on New Article

Hi, I'm Disneyfolly2 and I wrote my first article which is "The Princess and the Frog: Original Soundtrack". It will very helpful if somebody review the article and help improve it. I also want to ask if somebody could upload a picture to the article. ThanksDisneyfolly2 (talk) 17:14, 24 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

You may wish to consider merging this article into The Princess and the Frog. Unless a soundtrack is particularly notable, it usually stays with its associated film. Intelligentsium^review 01:35, 25 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Slide to Play

User:Gsadamb/Slide to Play - The article is about a large commercial editorial website. Though it's still in my userspace, I'd consider this article nearly complete, and I'd appreciate feedback if possible.

Thanks!

Gsadamb (talk) 19:18, 24 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Elitobell

Hello User

I just write something about elitobell, below is the link, please check this out.

Elitobell

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Elitobell/Elitobell

--Elitobell (talk) 19:59, 24 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Your draft article reads like an advertisement and is not encyclopedic. You need to read our neutral point of view and our conflict of interest policies. Gandalf61 (talk) 20:24, 24 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

George Rector

Hi,

I'm working on an article on George Rector, a cookbook writer and radio personality from the 1930's.

George Rector

[[1]]

It is still on my user page, but I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions.

Thanks!

Superimposed Face (talk) 23:35, 24 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Firstly, you are to be commended for starting the article in your userspace, rather than the mainspace. Most new users would have started it in the article space, when they are too inexperienced to write an article conforming to the MOS. From a quick glance at the page, my suggestion is, take a quick look at the linked page, and turn some of the external links to references. Intelligentsium^review 01:23, 25 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Guggenheim Partners

Nimrodsbabel (talk) 22:59, 25 October 2009 (UTC) Nimrodsbabel 10/25/09[reply]