The Next Best Thing to Being There!

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When there's no more room in hell, the Constructicons will walk the Earth.
"The Next Best Thing to Being There!"
Publisher	Marvel Comics
First published	July 23, 1985 ("on sale" August 13, 1985)
Cover date	November 1985
Writer	Bob Budiansky
Penciler	Ricardo Villamonte
Inker	Brad Joyce
Colorist	Nel Yomtov
Letterer	Janice Chiang
Editor	Mike Carlin
Continuity	Marvel Comics continuity

The Autobots must stop the Decepticons from sending a message to Cybertron. But the Decepticons have a rather large surprise for them...

Synopsis

Remember the Construction robots? Like the green guy? The green and purple guy? And, uh..."square-mouth"?

Using the machinery of Blackrock Aerospace Assembly Plant Number One, operated by the terrified Ferdy and Gabe, Shockwave completes the programming of the brain modules that Optimus Prime has already infused with life and constructs the new bodies in which the brains are then implanted. These six new Decepticons—the Constructicons—immediately depart with Soundwave on their first mission, to build a transdimensional radiowave scrambler with which to contact their home planet of Cybertron.

Prowl gives the Autobot's new human ally G.B. Blackrock a tour of the Ark, checking in on the injured Jazz as Ratchet repairs his recent injuries, and encountering the homesick Huffer, who's been focused on repairing the interstellar comm system instead of his primary assignment. Blackrock offers the Autobots a way to spy on the Decepticons within his aerospace plant using a bugged telephone system, but they are interrupted before they can do so by an inter-Autobot radio message from Bumblebee, who is currently keeping watch on the plant. Bumblebee gives the Autobots a live report as Laserbeak emerges from the plant to attack the human military surrounding it with metal-melting gas missiles, creating a distraction so the Constructicons can move out, and Prowl orders reinforcements sent out to intercept the new Decepticons.

Elsewhere, Sparkplug Witwicky returns home from his heart attack, and is surprised to find that Buster has actually cleared out the repair shop's entire backlog of automobiles. Buster is unable to explain to his father how he has suddenly acquired these new mechanical skills—even he is unaware that Optimus Prime transferred the Creation Matrix into his mind to keep it out of Shockwave's hands, and that it is its power that now flows through him.

In Southern Idaho, trucker Bomber Bill stops at Foster's Cafe on his way home after a long haul, but while he is inside making merry, his truck and several others are stolen by the Constructicons as raw material for use in the creation of the scrambler. Determined to get home, Bomber Bill attempts to follow the thieves, and meets the Autobots on the way. Struck by the similar desire to return to his home that he shares with the human, Huffer offers Bill a lift.

The Autobots follow the Decepticons to their construction site and attack, only for the Constructicons to reveal their ability to combine into the super-robot, Devastator. While the others distract the slow-witted giant, Huffer moves in to destroy the scrambler, but hesitates at the last moment, seeing in it the possibility of establishing contact with his lost homeworld. Huffer's hesitation provides enough time for Soundwave to charge the scrambler and begin sending his signal to Cybertron, but Bomber Bill comes to the rescue, driving his truck into scrambler and wrecking it. The furious Soundwave nearly slays Bill, but Huffer comes to his rescue, and the Decepticons withdraw, satisfied that at least a portion of Soundwave's message has been successfully transmitted. Huffer thanks Bomber Bill for his help, but laments that while the trucker can go home now, he can't.

At the aerospace plant, Shockwave prepares to give life to his next creation, the huge Decepticon jet Jetfire, but when the process fails, Shockwave begins to suspect that Prime may not longer have the Matrix within him. If this proves true, Shockwave threatens the Autobot leader, he no longer has any reason to allow Prime to live. The Autobots, listening in from the Ark, are helpless.

Featured characters

(Numbers indicate order of appearance.)

Quotes

"Devastator, you miswired clod! Get over here and destroy this Autobot before he ruins everything!"
"Destroy... Destroy Autobot... Destroy Autobot... which one... not these Autobots..."

—What Soundwave and Devastator have here is a failure to communicate!

"Fellow Autobots... I ask you to forgive me for my poor judgement. I... I allowed my longing for beloved Cybertron to blind me. I don't know if I can ever make up for my mistake."
"We all drive off the road sometimes when it comes to wantin' to go home, Huffer! Ain't nothin' else that can eat at your insides like that feelin'! ...We're all the same, big buddy! We suffer from the same achin' and we all make mistakes!"
"You're right, Bomber Bill -- except we're not quite the same. You can go home now... I can't."

—Huffer and Bomber Bill

Notes

Continuity notes

• Ferdy and Gabe previously appeared in issue #7.
• A footnote reminds readers that G.B. Blackrock entered into his alliance with the Autobots last issue, during which Jazz sustained the injuries he is having repaired in this story (but see "Errors," below).
• Sunstreaker is revealed to be damaged to the point that his recovery is uncertain, the result of Shockwave blasting him in issue #5 as an example to Megatron, which explains his absence from the Autobot line-up last issue.
• Sparkplug Witwicky is released from hospital following the heart attack he suffered in issue #4. He recalls that he has work to do on Mr. Fishbein's car; Fishbein was heard phoning the shop to check in on his car last issue.
• The narration notes that Cybertron is now "hundreds of light years away"; previously, in issue #1, the planet orbited Alpha Centauri, only four light years away, but has been floating freely through the galaxy for the last four million years after being shaken from orbit.
• The UK original story "The Wrath of Guardian!", published a month before the UK comic reprinted this issue, was written with knowledge of this story's content, and so was able to include a few plot points and concepts introduced in it, giving UK audiences their first look at them ahead of time: namely, Sunstreaker's grave condition, the Constructicons' cuboid brain modules, and the fact that Optimus Prime's headless body is standing around in the Ark.

Real-life references

• The title of this issue is taken from the Bell Telephone Company's classic slogan, which advertised speaking on the telephone as "The next best thing to being there." It's used here as a reference to the interstellar "call" Soundwave makes!

Continuity and plotting errors

• The brain modules have changed in appearance from the small spheres they were in the previous issue to small cuboids. Future issues will stick to a look more akin to the original one.
• Shockwave makes the strange claim that the brain modules have been "fully enlarged." Was this meant to say "fully energized"? There's no indication of a size change, and no explanation is offered for what all the plant equipment is doing when it turns and zaps the modules, and this would make all that make sense.
• Scavenger's alternate mode is called a "truck crane" on page 4; that's Hook's alternate mode, Scavenger is a power shovel. Additionally, Scavenger is rather oddly treated as leader of the Constructicons, speaking for the group upon their activation and being addressed with orders for the team by Shockwave. Other media treats Scrapper as the group leader, and in fact, the speech bubble giving the order to the team to transform is seen coming from Scrapper rather than Scavenger.
• Jazz is described as having "lost an arm" in battle, but both his limbs were intact at the end of last issue. He was seen cradling one at the end of the story... but it was his right arm last issue, and he's shown having his left replaced in this one!
• When Shockwave created the Constructicons, he made their brain modules first and only created their bodies this issue. Why does he create Jetfire's body first, before knowing that he'll be able to put life into it? Weirder still, he then tries to have Prime infuse Jetfire's body with life before it has even finished being constructed.

Artwork and technical errors

• Continuing an error that's been running for the past several issues, Optimus Prime's head is drawn missing its ear-antennae. The first few pages of this issue double down on the off-model rendering, depicting it as sort of a round generic lump, lacking any of its usual helmet shapes.
• Compounding the Prime errors, in every panel except for page 1, and the final panel of page 22, Optimus's eyes are left uncolored white instead of their usual yellow.
• Right on the first page, Prime says, "But I abhore myself" with "abhor" being misspelled.
• Ferdy's baseball cap was purple when he last appeared in issue #7, but has changed to green in this issue.
• The Constructicons are inconsistently colored throughout the issue, all in a variety of incorrect ways that don't match their finalized comic color schemes. They're all green, purple, and black, and it's all in basically the right places, but a lot of details like wheels and thighs and helmets are repeatedly left out or miscolored on all six.
• The half-completed Jetfire doesn't really look like Jetfire, aside from being a jet and having his colors; he's also got a very pointy nosecone that might be the result of the unfinished body being drawn based on his earlier, more toy-based character model, which would be discarded and replaced for his finished appearance in the series.
• Continuing an intermittent error, G.B. Blackrock is once again missing his mustache this issue.
• The center of Prowl's forehead crest is consistently colored red like the crest's wings, when it should be white like the rest of his helmet.
• Page 6
  • Panel 2: The sides of Ratchet's helmet are white instead of red.
  • Panels 2 & 4: Jazz has individual eyes peeping out from under his visor! In the big picture, this isn't strictly an error, as many different artists in the future of the series and brand in general will vary the precise way Transformers with visor-eyes are drawn—but in isolation, this does feel like a case where the artist didn't quite understand how Jazz was meant to look. Rather than an eye-shield, his visor is drawn to look more like it's part of his helmet, like the peak of a cap.
• Page 7, panel 2: Prowl's crest is colored white instead of red.
• Page 13:
  • Ironhide is colored like Ratchet, and Jazz is drawn and colored instead of Bluestreak.
  • The narration calls for Sideswipe, though he never shows up, either in this panel, or in the rest of the issue. Additionally, his name is misspelled as "Sidesswipe", with a double-s.
• Hound's got a weird splash of orange on his grill.
• Page 15, panel 2: The Autobots are rendered as a group of generic vehicles.
• Page 16, panel 4 - Bluestreak is drawn and colored as Prowl (and not even correctly, as his crest is all-white); the collection of transforming shapes next to him is unrecognizable as an Autobot, but it's colored like Bumblebee, who it's definitely not.
• Page 17:
  • Panel 1 - Bluestreak is drawn as himself but still colored like Prowl, and he's missing his door-wings.
  • Panel 2 - Bumblebee has headlights on his shoulders, making him look a bit like a miscolored Bluestreak. The lineart is so vague, that's what he might actually be; he's got the same feet as Bluestreak does in the previous panel, but he does look to have Bumblebee's head.
• Page 18, panel 2: Ironhide is colored like Devastator, and Prowl is once again drawn and colored in place of Bluestreak.
• Page 19, panel 2: Bumblebee is actually a yellow-and-blue Windcharger; Bluestreak is drawn as a generic.
• Page 20, panel 3: Soundwave's head has been strangely stylized throughout the issue, but it goes full-blown bonkers off-model in this panel, including an incorrectly colored dark purple mouthplate that continues onto the next page.
• Page 21:
  • Panel 5: One more Prowl-as-Bluestreak.
  • Panel 6: Both Prowl and Bluestreak appear together, with Prowl missing his door-wings, and Mirage has suddenly appeared, when he shouldn't be there.
• Page 22, panel 3: Optimus's eyes are uncolored white again.

UK printing

Issue #35:

• Published: 9th November, 1985
• Cover date: 16th November, 1985
• Back-up strips: Machine Man ("Rime of the Ancient Wrecker!" Part 1), Robo-Capers and Matt and the Cat
• Page orders were changed for the UK printing to provide a more effective "cliffhanger" ending for issue #35. US page 11 (ending on Bomber Bill showing Ethel photos of his kids) was printed before pages 9 and 10. A caption was also removed from the last panel of page 10.

Issue #36:

• Published: 16th November, 1985
• Cover date: 23rd November, 1985
• Back-up strips: Machine Man ("Rime of the Ancient Wrecker!" Part 2), Robo-Capers and Matt and the Cat
• Also included is "Robot War II", the second in an irregular series of text features summarising events seen in the comic so far.

Bot Roster

• Autobots: 21 active; Sunstreaker inactive; Optimus Prime held captive. (23 total)
• Decepticons: 16 active as the Constructicons are brought to life; Megatron missing in action; Jetfire awaiting activation. (18 total)

Courtesy of my...

• Laserbeak fires two missiles at the army encampment, releasing some kind of gas that causes all of the soldiers' weapons and equipment to melt.
• Ironhide shoots Devastator with liquid nitrogen.

Covers (3)

• US issue #10: Devastator smacking down the Autobots, by Kyle Baker.
• UK issue #35: Shockwave creates a Constructicon brain, by Will Simpson.^[1]
• UK issue #36: reuse of art from US cover.

• 

  US issue #10 - Devastator was momentarily distracted by the tiny dancing Bluestreak on his fist

• 

  UK issue #35 - Muahahahaha!!!

• 

  UK issue #36 - Ramp up the lime green, folks!

Reprints

• 

  The Transformers Comics Magazine #5 (Marvel US, 1987)

• 

  Transformers: New Order paperback (Titan Books, 2003)

• 

  Transformers: New Order hardback (Titan Books, 2003)

• 

  Classic Transformers Volume 1 (IDW Publishing, 2008)

• 

  The Transformers Classics, Vol. 1 (IDW Publishing, 2011)

• 

  Transformers: The Definitive G1 Collection, Vol. 2: New Order (Hachette Partworks Ltd, 2018)

• 

  The Transformers Classics, Vol. 3 (Mediaboy Mook, 2019)

IDW Transformers Classics edits

For The Transformers Classics series of trade paperbacks, IDW Publishing "remastered" the coloring of the series with varying degrees of success. These changes were sometimes to fix errors, but often to alter characters' color schemes to make them resemble their toy and/or cartoon selves, and were rarely applied with consistency. IDW's recolored version was also used for Hachette's Definitive G1 Collection.

• As is standard for the series, Soundwave is recolored into his cartoon/toy blue, erasing his standard Marvel purple color scheme.
• All instances of Optimus Prime's eyes being left uncolored are corrected.
• Page 4, panel 3: Haphazard text recreation results in Scrapper and Hook's names now being misspelled "Scraprer" and "Mook."
• Page 13, panel 3: Ironhide's colors are corrected (though he still has a blue-black front bumper/grill). Hound's headlights are inexplicably colored-in.
• Page 18, panel 2: Ironhide's colors are corrected.
• Page 20-21: The recoloring of Soundwave corrects his mouthplate to silver-white on page 20, but not on page 21, where it is now dark blue instead of dark purple as in the original error.

Advertisements

• Young Astronaut Program (inner front cover)
• Oreo "The A-Maze-ing Oreo! Chocolate Sandwich Cookie" - between pages 4 & 5
• Bonkers! candy Robot-Watch mail-away ("two kinds of space-age fun") - between pages 5 & 6
• Reese's Pieces "Fribgridgit" - between pages 7 & 8
• Diversified Products' Orbatron barbells and weight benches - between pages 8 & 9
• Mile High Comics (2 pages - between pages 16 & 17 and between 17 & 18)
• Pineapple Kids Club glow-in-the-dark posters - between pages 19 & 20
• Olympic Sales Club - between pages 20 & 21
• Peter Porker, the Spectacular Spider-Ham
• Marvel subscriptions order form
• Bullpen Bulletins & Checklist (inner back cover)
• Honeycomb cereal Big Time Baseball contest (back cover)

References