Dinner for Schmucks (2010)
Paul Rudd: Tim
Photos
Quotes
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Tim : Any one of you would throw me under the bus for a bigger bonus, but Barry would throw himself under a car to protect a mouse... that was already dead.
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Tim : Wait, wait, I know that looked awkward, but you've gotta trust me.
Julie : Trust you?
Tim : Yes. I trust you. I know you spent the night at Kieran's ranch. I know nothing happened. Right?
Julie : I didn't go to Kieran's ranch last night. I'm going now.
Tim : No! Don't go! Don't go!
Julie : Tim, I have to go. It's my job. We're going to San Francisco this weekend to set up for the show. He wants me to be part of his artistic process.
Tim : His artistic process... That means sex, Julie. He told me last night when I broke into his house!
Julie : You broke into his house?
Tim : Hmm?
Julie : My God. I guess there is a you I don't know. It's too bad. I was so in love with the other one.
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Julie : [holds a mouse dressed like Jesus in her hand] What is this?
Tim : That's a... It's a mouse dressed like Jesus. This guy I ran into today, he makes them. He's amazing. He's some kind of artisan.
Julie : Really? Are you going to that dinner?
Tim : No.
[Julie starts leaving]
Tim : Hey, come on.
Julie : No, not when you're lying to me.
Tim : Julie, Fender invited me.
Julie : So?
Tim : Fender, as in Fender Financial?
Julie : The you I know would have just said no.
Tim : The me that you know did say no. But the me that you don't know had to say yes.
Julie : The you I don't know?
Tim : Yes. Look, there's you and the me that you know. And we love each other and we have a wonderful life. But then there's the me that you don't know. And the me that you don't know has to do things sometimes so that you and the me that you know can live in this nice apartment, and eat a nice restaurants and go to Cabo for Christmas. He takes care of us.
Julie : You know what? There should not be any you I don't know.
Tim : But there is. You might not like him. I don't like him. I hate him! But we need him. You know? It's like the CIA.
Julie : The CIA?
Tim : The CIA does some pretty funky, nasty stuff in the shadows, but I, for one, am glad they're there.
Julie : The CIA doesn't invite people to dinner to make fun of them.
Tim : No. The CIA kills people. And I'm getting raked over the coals because of a little dinner.
Julie : Can I just ask you something? Is there any you I don't know who isn't completely full of shit? I'd love to talk to him right now.
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Tim : Julie.
Müeller : I thought this was Julie.
Julie : Nope. I'm Julie.
Barry : They are both Julie. Julie and Julie.
Julie : Susana thought you were gonna lose your promotion if I didn't show up today. Look at your. You had a replacement all lined up.
Darla : Yeah.
Tim : No, no, no. This is a huge misunderstanding.
Barry : Let me explain. This is Darla. She's a naughty schoolgirl who cheats on her taxes. I didn't know whether you were gonna come today, so I brought Darla to keep things running smoothly. Very important potential client.
Julie : That clears that up. Yeah. Thank you.
Darla : Darling, you're embarrassing yourself.
[pulls up engagement ring]
Darla : It's over.
Julie : She's really quite a catch, Tim. Congratulations.
Tim : No! Julie...
Julie : [shakes hands] Nice to have met you. He's very crafty.
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[first lines]
Tim : [watching out the window] Poor Jacobson.
Josh : He took his stapler? How pitiful is that?
Tim : Still, you got to hand it to him... he wen! for it.
Josh : That was his big mistake. Always stay in the middle of the pack. It's the frontrunners who fall off the cliff.
Susana : At least Jacobson made it up on the seventh floor. It smells like cabbage on this floor.
Tim : That's the smell of dead dreams.
Susana : I go to the clubs at night and people are like, "Hey, who's wearing the coleslaw?" Do you know how hard it is to get laid when you smell like coleslaw? Not hard, but Still.
Josh : He had a pretty sweet office. I wonder whos gonna get it?
Tim : You wonder who's gonna get his office? Jesus, Josh, why don't you show a little class? The guy just got fired.
