Plymouth UNESCO World Heritage Sites
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Plymouth hosts some of the world's top UNESCO world heritage sights in the UK. This includes the; Village of Swilly, Port of Plymouth public toilets, Bretonside Bus Station, the rather plush Market Hall and the Sundial. Plymouth is a much loved British attraction having the added advantage of not being Portsmouth.
Village of Swilly[edit]
Tourists may visit the new heritage centre which has been recently upgraded and re-named "the Life Centre" and boasts award winning architecture threatening the position of Drake’s Circus as the most beautiful building in Plymouth award. The car park has also recently been extended to accommodate endless hordes of tourists as well as the clients of Home Park. From the Life Centre one can board a Welsh built armoured vehicle and take a Chav Safari into Swilly. The richer tourists used to be able to afford a helicopter tour of the site, there was less of a chance of getting hit by a brick here. However a stray pasty, experts later concluded it was thrown on a floor in an argument and the sheer amount of fat/lard inside caused it to simply bounce up in the air, hit the helicopter rotor blade and sent it crashing into the top of a Swilly house.
The pilot was pronounced dead on impact while the three other passengers survived and faced an ordeal of fighting a flood of chavs in shell suits and torn jeans. Swilly was shut down for two days as emergency crews battled to save the stranded survivors. After two days of siege 2 and a half survivors were rescued (one lost both legs to the chavs who believed they contained gold they could pawn down at gold4cash on Mutley plain). This was a bad time for Swilly; the following month the Great Tamar Tsunami[1] of Aug 25 2010 devastated the community with a death toll of 2 (both from suicide because they couldn't find their dealer) and caused 74 pence worth of damage. It was then the money was obtained from chavard donations and the Grand Lodge in Washington to have a new visitor centre build and for flood damage to be cleaned up. Four years since and Swilly has been thriving with a record number of 36,000 national visitors a year and an average of 8 international visitors a year.
Modern Safety[edit]
Modern Swilly tour safety standards are now 5 star. Each tour bus now comes with an armed guard and automated machine gun, so if you’re thinking about visiting Swilly then you don't worry have to worry. Tours now include 5 historic burnt out car wrecks and the wreckage of the downed USS Enterprise which came down in the winter of 1998 prompting the chavs to use parts of it to rebuild their £995 Checo's Garage BMWs. Or enjoy the scenery of the local country side extending as the radioactive River Tamar, or Central Park National Nature Reserve and of course no visit to Plymouth isn’t complete without a visit to Union Street.
Port of Plymouth Public Toilets[edit]
The most popular attraction, Port of Plymouth Public toilets, is located down at the Britanny Ferries terminal. It sees an annual visit of 50,000 people. Recent statistics shows; 2% are normal people, 8% are druggies, 77% are local Janners on Benefits, 13% are paedophiles. The public toilets feature the most up to date toilet technology with manual flush, manual sinks, manual electricity supply from Albanian and Bangladeshi slave labour. UNESCO have recognized the importance of conserving such a vital building in the community and conserved both sites in 2010 shortly after the Great Tamar Tsunami when UNESCO saw potential in Plymouth and it's wonderful culture and people.
We are delighted to see the enthusiasm of local youths spraying dicks and swastikas over the walls of this site. Such cultural art is much valued by our missionaries; this is why UNESCO has prevented the Millbay development from spreading into the ferry terminus with the help of the Jewish controlled English Defence Leauge and the also Jewish controlled Plymouth Nazi Party. We especially recommended you visit the toilets as they are partly built from the remains of the USS Enterprise that crashed in Swilly in 1998. Since strange lights have been seen in the sky above, though it does always seem to be some teenagers dangerously using a laser while walking past each time.
These toilets are open 24 hours and all facilities are available to any loser on the street. Leaflets are available, if not stolen, outside each toilet door (men only because women are inferior in Janner society).
Bretonside Bus Station[edit]
Sitting just below Drake's Circus is Bretonside Bus Station, built on top Solley's concentration camp, this UNESCO site is described by visitors as the most pleasant of places to visit. The constant smell of piss and dead rat make the experience ever more charming. Entry to this sight is in fact free and no tours are required, though you can pick up a leaflet from the office. Best times to visit are between 9pm and 3am when the Bus Station is at its height of activity; plenty of lovely half (or completely) drunk people to meet. Spend time to admire its use of cold and damp concrete to create a pleasant hellish feel to the place. If your bursting or need to take a dump then feel free to walk into Bretonside's award winning lavantre facilities, your perfectly safe inside here at all times of night and day. It might be a bit dark at night because we can't afford to keep the slaves working that long to keep the generator on however it is still perfectly safe.
If your ever in trouble then you can always ask a local Janner to help you, we're certain they won't harass or attempt to Rape you. You can always simply sit back and admire at the racist vintage graffiti[2]. If you’re thinking of an excursion from Bretonside then ask at the office (open 9:15am-9:30am only on Tuesdays) or look at a time table. Buses are regular and take you to other wonderful places like; Devil's point, Cattedown Sewage Treatment works, North Docks Nuclear Storage Facility, Frankfurt Gate to hell and Union Street or if you’re feeling really adventurous then every Sunday at 7:00am a bus departs for Charlie Chaplin Hitler's Dartmoor Retreat - a real treat for the whole family!
Public Notice[edit]
"We're sorry to announce that Dennis Dart has been burnt to a shell while on route through Barne Barton; Dennis Dart bookings are cancelled for the time being. No refunds." - Jeffro Wurzel, manager of the Bus station.
Market Hall[edit]
The most recent edition of the UNESCO Plymouth family, the market hall in west end of town opposite the Frankfurt Gate to hell, hosted the 2012 Olympic Games in Plymouth. This was the highest income to the city since 1938 when Londoners’ used to buy Plymouth Jarate Table water in bulk to cure Mason disease. Following comments from the Olympics; the market hall is internationally recognized as a glorious feat of post war architecture and a prime example of how regeneration projects have changed the community. When we arrived the market was a seedy low cost (cheap and full of crap) market.
We invested 1.2 million pounds and turned it into a seedy low cost market WITH HANGING GLITTER from the ceiling to represent the Janner love of all things shiny and glittery. Since the investment the number of shops selling completely pointless glittery and shiny things has gone up by 54%. The market is a great place to meet members of the local community and exchange stolen goods or Albanian/Bangladeshi slaves, thanks to recent efforts live stock is now being re-introduced to the market.
Sun Dial[edit]
Saving the best for last is the great Plymouth Sun dial, apart from being completely useless at being a sun dial due to it being made of the wrong materials; this monument represents the centre, heart and community soul of the city. A testimony true to Plymouth engineering! The sun dial has been worshiped for 9000 years since the Aryan civilization proclaimed the region as part of Greater Germania and right of administration from Bavaria. Since then Nazi flying saucers have been spotted on occasion above the sun dial and are known to frighten local Janners. They have sometimes been known to use their rail guns to eradicate chavs who try to stone them.