Draft talk:May-Li Khoe

Autumn 2024 Educational Project Page

This page is part of an Educational Project by students of LIUC, Italy, with a course page at: [1]https://outreachdashboard.wmflabs.org/courses/LIUC_-_Universit%C3%A0_Cattaneo/Digital_Technology_(October_-_December,_2024) . The users of the group are new to the Wikipedia platform, have completed mandatory Training for Students, and are learning to edit following Wikipedia rules. They are open to any advice on improvements of the page in conformity to Wikipedia requirements and guidelines, and any help useful for the enhancement of the page will be gladly accepted. The student Usernames are:

• Liucalex01
• Francescoboniotti
• LIUCbenedetta10
• LIUCRiccardo10
• Meister L
• LiucBerti
• LIUCcarola10

Issues or questions can be referred direct to the users or to their tutor @Limelightangel Limelightangel (talk) 14:02, 28 October 2024 (UTC)

Draft feedback 1/11/24

@Liucalex01, Francescoboniotti, LIUCbenedetta10, LIUCRiccardo10, Meister L, LiucBerti, and LIUCcarola10:

• note and comply with the guidelines and good practice on lead (introductory) sections and look at good practice other pages. They do not have an 'Introduction'. See: Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Lead section. Use this to develop this section. See also Wikipedia:Writing_better_articles#Lead_section.
• there are no sources. Do not add new content without sources. See: Wikipedia:referencing for beginners
• the 3 brief lines have missing punctuation, no structure, incorrect grammar and no sources.
• Needs an Infobox: find a relevant Infobox template from Wikipedia:List of infoboxes and look at Template:Infobox person, and use this templare correctly, or find a similar page with a relevant Infobox, and use this. Note that these are templates with rules on how they are used and for acceptable field content/format

Limelightangel (talk) 17:31, 1 November 2024 (UTC)

Thank you for your feedback. LIUCcarola10 (talk) 09:38, 6 November 2024 (UTC)

Draft feedback 06/11/24

@Liucalex01, Francescoboniotti, LIUCbenedetta10, LIUCRiccardo10, Meister L, LiucBerti, and LIUCcarola10:

• the lead section has no sources
• fundamental issues with style: avoid subjective, inappropriate and unsubstantiated statements e.g. 'She is an innovative artist'; 'even if'; 'skillfully interwines'; 'extensive experience'; 'a pivotal role'; 'groundbreaking technologies'; etc. Understand why, and see Manual_of_Style#Vocabulary
• fundamental issues with referencing:
  • missing sources for all text. See Wikipedia:referencing for beginners
  • incorrect referencing format for 3 references, with no correct use of the relevant Cite template
  • references have been inserted incorrectly below the reflist footer tag
• fundamental issues with basic grammar/spelling e.g. 'multifaced', 'boundaties', '2008. this '; 'inclusing '; 'Khoe-s'; 'apple app '; etc.
• ovlerlinking: See Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Linking

Limelightangel (talk) 19:03, 6 November 2024 (UTC)

Thank you for the help. LIUCcarola10 (talk) 08:00, 7 November 2024 (UTC)

Biography

I added a paragraph about May-Li Khoe studies at MIT with reference. On the other hand, I cannot find the reference and sources about the information of her studies at the University of California added before. We should add the reference for this information otherwise remove it if there are not valid sources. LIUCcarola10 (talk) 09:35, 7 November 2024 (UTC)

Done it, thank you! LIUCRiccardo10 (talk) 11:47, 7 November 2024 (UTC)

Patents

Should I leave the patents in bullet-points (1) or adding a brief description for each of it (2)?

(1):

• Device, method, and graphical user interface for providing tactile feedback for operations performed in a user interface

(2):

Device, method, and graphical user interface for providing tactile feedback for operations performed in a user interface

This invention allows a touch-screen device to give physical feedback, such as vibration, when a user adjusts a setting and reaches its maximum or minimum limit, helping users feel when they've hit a boundary without needing to look at the screen. Meister L (talk) 16:10, 8 November 2024 (UTC)

Adding a brief description is more detailed, thank you! LIUCcarola10 (talk) 16:22, 8 November 2024 (UTC)

Thank you for your reply. Meister L (talk) 16:34, 9 November 2024 (UTC)

See also

I added some links in the "See also" section. I think we should improve this section. LIUCcarola10 (talk) 20:12, 9 November 2024 (UTC)

I think that those are great ideas! Do you think that I should put those information in the different other subtitles or keep it in the "See also". Just to know, so I can work on it, if you would like it.

Thank you, @LIUCcarola10 LIUCRiccardo10 (talk) 20:10, 11 November 2024 (UTC)

Thank you @LIUCRiccardo10, I think we should keep it in the "See also" section and add also other ideas in this section to improve it! LIUCcarola10 (talk) 08:48, 12 November 2024 (UTC)

Projects

I added a new project in the projects section (scribble Together), let me know if for you it is relevant or not, also I'd like to add more about te infobox because it looks a bit skinny in details Francescoboniotti (talk) 10:37, 13 November 2024 (UTC)

I agree that we should add more information to the info box, thank you for the new Project's section! LIUCcarola10 (talk) 16:58, 13 November 2024 (UTC)

Draft feedback 13/11/24

@Liucalex01, Francescoboniotti, LIUCbenedetta10, LIUCRiccardo10, Meister L, LiucBerti, and LIUCcarola10:

• note and comply with the guidelines and good practice on lead (introductory) sections and look at good practice other pages. See: Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Lead section. Use this to develop this section. See also Wikipedia:Writing_better_articles#Lead_section. The text 'and she was raised in Canada by Indonesian-Chinese parents from Indonesia.' is not relevant here, but in a leter section on Early Life. The lead should also briefly summarise topic notability.
• grammar: 'subsequently a earned';'"La Pelanga Collective" is a DJ crew co-founded by them (who?); 'One of her most important project has been'; etc.
• Categories: Need adding prior to submission. See Help:categories
• External links. Understand what goes here. See Help:external links. Don't duplicate links already used in the references.
• See Also section:
  • understand the differences between these and External links section. See Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style/Layout#"See_also"_section and Wikipedia:external links for guidance. See and understand what goes here and what goes in External links
  • don't use See also links for links already used in the page e.g. Apple, MIT etc.
• style: avoid subjective, redundant and biased language. See section on Vocabulary in Wikipedia:Manual of Style and Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Words to watch
  • avoid words/phrases like e.g. ;'A few years ago,'; 'passionate' (twice); 'embarked on a transformative journey'; 'showcasing '; 'passions' (twice); etc.
  • avoid content that could be regarded as subjective and promotional e.g. 'Since its launch, Scribble Together has been highlighted by technology and educational media for its adaptability and innovative features, such as multi-user drawing and screen sharing capabilities. The application has been particularly noted for fostering interaction and creativity in remote learning and team environments, especially during the rise of remote work in the early 2020s'
• text formatting: consistently comply with the conventions on use of Italics, bold and other text formatting. See Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Text formatting. Use bold and italics consistently and correctly.
• structure:
  • the text 'In her personal life, May-Li Khoe is passionate about dance and music. She is a founding DJ of the La Pelanga DJ Collective in Oakland, California, and has performed at various festivals. ' belongs in the Personal Life section
  • remove the further reading section, which duplicates a reference
  • the Patents and projects sections need a short text introduction explaining the section content
  • the sub-section on Game features needs introductory explanatory text. It is unclear what the sub-section is about, or why Boogie Loops is mentioned here and in an earlier sub-section
  • the long, dense list of patents may be better formatted as a table with columns for the patent number, name, area of application, and application.
• references:
  • ref. 5 is to YouTube. See Wikipedia:Video links
  • ref. 8 has an incorrect title
  • ref. 11, 12 and 13 all links website home pages with no relevant source content, article title, author or date.
• needs relevant images to support adjacent text
• linking: See Help:linking.
  • you link out the first time the linked term is used.
  • Check new links are not already on the page, or add them earlier if the linked term is already used e.g. for human-computer interaction
  • understand what 'overlinking is e.g. to ' nonfiction'; etc.
  • the section on patents (better as a table) has potential for relevant linking to other pages for technical terms

Limelightangel (talk) 17:50, 13 November 2024 (UTC)

Thank you, @Limelightangel, for your review.

I am going to work on it. I updated the introduction of the article on May-Li Khoe to make it more concise and focused on her key achievements in technology, design, and the arts. I removed subjective and promotional content to align with Wikipedia's guidelines, eliminating redundant phrases like "passionate" and "embarked on a transformative journey." I also reorganized sections on her personal life, patents, and major projects (such as Scribble Together and Boogie Loops) for better clarity. I corrected references, improved image usage, and applied Wikipedia's style conventions, avoiding overlinking and formatting errors. LIUCRiccardo10 (talk) 23:36, 13 November 2024 (UTC)

I changed the youtube (wrong) link, using the right article used. LIUCRiccardo10 (talk) 12:24, 14 November 2024 (UTC)

Also deleted the (before) reference 11, and changed the reference 11 (before 12), using the right page LIUCRiccardo10 (talk) 12:38, 14 November 2024 (UTC)