Wikipedia:Peer review/Kit Mueller/archive1

Kit Mueller

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because this has a lot of new content in need of editorial refinement.

Thanks, TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 21:06, 6 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Bradley0110

I would guess that there Mueller's birthdate is not recorded in any reliable sources. Is there anything out there that can help readers get a grounding for his age?
- Since he never played pro and he played before the internet era, I don't know how to find his birthdate, but most readers will have an idea how old he is by the years he was in college.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 00:07, 6 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
The lead is nicely written and provides a good balance of lay and technical terms, and technical terms are nicely linked for further reading
In the third paragraph of the lead, "tenure" appears twice in as many sentences. Can this be varied?
- Fixed.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 00:09, 6 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Paras 1 and 2 of "High School" are like a wall of prose-ified stats. Is there any further information that can be included in this section to space out the stats?
- I've added as much context as is reasonable for this subject. I.E., for this subject, this much pre-high school content is pretty exemplary. Not too many people at this level of notability have this much detail about their high school career.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 00:14, 6 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Bradley0110 (talk) 22:17, 5 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I've no further comments on the article; the College and post grad sections both run smoothly, and the references have clear and consistent formatting. Bradley0110 (talk) 21:44, 8 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]