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Talk:Banjo-Pilot/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: CelestialWeevil (talk · contribs) 04:07, 19 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]


Might as well do this one too! CelestialWeevil (talk) 04:07, 19 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

@TheJoebro64: Just when I started this review a lot of edits came in from another user. I'll let you review those changes after the weekend so everything is up to your standards, then I'll do the review. See you then. CelestialWeevil (talk) 14:26, 19 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

@CelestialWeevil, I'm back. The edits the other user made were fine; I also made some minor changes (mostly based on points from Dream's review). I'm ready when you are JOEBRO64 00:31, 22 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Infobox and lead
  • ...the player races one of nine playable characters around tracks, attacking other racers with bullets, and collecting power-ups. – Because this isn't actually a series of items, the comma after 'bullets' is unnecessary.
  • When Microsoft acquired Rare in September 2002, Rare lost the... – This is an optional style thing (so feel free to ignore it), but if you want to remove a repeated instance of the word 'Rare' you could replace the second instance with 'the latter'.
  • ...replaced them with characters from their Banjo series. – Since this is the first instance of the series being named, you may want to use the full Banjo-Kazooie name.
  • ... to mixed reviews. Although reviewers... – You could replace 'reviews' with 'reception' to add variety. Not necessary, though.
Gameplay
  • Each race is three laps long, and the tracks have features that give players temporary advantages, such as hoops that give the player bursts of speed when gone through and power-ups to attack others. – The language here is kind of rough. If I were to rewrite it, it'd be something like: "All of the races are three laps long and feature power-ups and other elements that confer, for example, bursts of speed and offensive options to the player". You don't have to use that, but I think some rework would be beneficial.
  • Collectible, golden music notes are scattered around tracks as well. – You could throw in a little detail here about the music notes coming from the series' main games.
  • although some are not available at the start. – What's the "12—13" after the citation here? I've never seen it before! (Also, en dashes, –, are normally used for data ranges instead of em dashes.)
  • The game features sixteen tracks accessible through four different game modes for a single-player. – I think this would be better as 'The game features sixteen tracks accessible through four different single-player game modes'. This may mess with how you want to structure the differences for single-player and multiplayer, though. If so, ignore this.
  • ...the player must look for puzzle pieces called Jiggies while racing Bottles the mole, and collect as many as they can to earn additional points. – I think this would be more easy to read if it said '...the player must look for and collect puzzle pieces called Jiggies while racing Bottles the mole.'
  • ...players: a multiplayer version of Grand Prix; a one-on-one race; and a dogfighting game. – Semi-colons are normally used to divide items in a series when those items have commas within them. Here, there aren't any interior commas, so you can replace the semi-colons with commas.
Development
  • One programmer recalled that Nintendo felt the tilt was not working well, that the GBA LCD only worked well when aligned... – Two instances of 'work well'; I'd replace the second with something like 'functioned as intended'.
  • ...the programmer believed it should... – Is this programmer not named? I guess probably not. But if you can find it, it might be a good addition.
  • ...which they determined did not work well – The tilt controls not working well was established above; they had already determined that. I think this sentence should be more decisive, showing that they officially deemed the tilt a failure. Something like "which they deemed failure after unsuccessful attempts to approve it".
Reception
  • ...but reduced it to favoring luck over... – Doesn't British English use 'favouring' instead of 'favoring'? I'm not sure, but I think so.
References
  • On reference 16, GameSetWatch doesn't need to be italicized; switch website= to publisher=. Same with reference 25 (though it has '.com' in the title, that's part of the actual publication name).

Alright, @TheJoebro64:, I've completed my first read-through. My changes might seem pedantic (sorry), but that's because this is basically a good article. I'll read through two more times over the next few days and see if there's anything else I notice. Good job again! CelestialWeevil (talk) 01:08, 22 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

@CelestialWeevil, thanks for reviewing! I've responded above. JOEBRO64 21:55, 22 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]
@TheJoebro64: Looking good! I'm American too, and most of the articles I work on are of British origin, so I know how easy it is to miss some of the details. Anyway, my final comments will be ready probably within a few hours. I'll let you know then. CelestialWeevil (talk) 22:09, 22 October 2018 (UTC)'[reply]
Final comments
  1. Well-written: Mostly
  2. Verifiable with no original research: Yes
  3. Broad in its coverage: Yes
  4. Neutral: Yes
  5. Stable: Yes
  6. Illustrated: Yes

@TheJoebro64: Fix these and you're gold. Good job! I have fond memories of the main Banjo games, so it's nice to see the articles being taken care of. CelestialWeevil (talk) 23:52, 22 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

@CelestialWeevil, I've addressed the remaining points. I've always liked the Banjo games too; I'd forgotten about them until saw how poor quality these were so I decided to make an effort to fix 'em up JOEBRO64 20:01, 23 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]
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