Talk:Final Fantasy Adventure/GA2

GA Review

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Reviewer: Red Phoenix (talk · contribs) 01:13, 11 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Hey, I'm going to review this article. I'm too tired tonight to get started, but I'll start work on it tomorrow night and I'll hopefully have some comments for you either then or the next day. Red Phoenix ^{build the future...}_{remember the past...} 01:13, 11 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

Okay, two days later, and we're ready to review.

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
Some references in the prose are spaced from their respective statements, but in other cases they are not. I'd recommend closing these spaces up. As I read through this, I don't believe the lead quite meets the manual of style; make sure it sums up the points of the subsections, i.e. nothing is said about the development in the lead. I'd also avoid speculation there, such as the comment, "possibly due to the English translation". The lead should really speak with certainty unless the subject is speculative in itself. Each of the lead paragraphs is also a little short; any fleshing out would really help. Make sure to check out MOS:LEAD for some pointers.
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
I have several reference issues that need to be resolved. First of all, checklinks has shown there is a dead link that appears to have just recently died. If looking to replace that source, I'd recommend checking the Wayback Machine to see if you might be able to pull up an archived copy. Also, a couple of the references appear a little questionable: what makes everything2.com a reliable source? If you're looking to cite plot elements, the article might be better served by citing the game itself, as long as the plot section goes by the game and doesn't add in original research that is not given through the game's plot. Source 25 also cites Venture Beat, but links to GamesRadar instead. These need to be looked at. Lastly, the statement that the gameplay system is used in subsequent Mana titles is unsourced, and in my opinion needs to be.
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
I'm concerned with how long the plot section is. It's somewhat WP:GAMECRUFT at such length compared to other sections of the article. Can it be condensed more to make it concise? Granted, I do realize this is an RPG article and RPGs tend to be very long with the plot, but if it can be trimmed down by a paragraph or two, that would greatly help the article to meet 3b.
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
Article appears to follow a neutral point of view.
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
Looks like quite a bit of updating lately, but no edit wars.
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
All images are fair use, but rationales are given and are appropriate, and the article is about a copyrighted work, so a free image can't exist. This satisfies 6.
Overall:
Pass/Fail:
I'm going to go ahead and place this article on hold. I think there are some small tweaks that need to be made before it can be passed, but I'm sure you guys can get it done in a week.

Red Phoenix ^{build the future...}_{remember the past...} 17:57, 12 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

It'll be difficult to cut an entire paragraph, the game is old and simple yet, its difficult to summarize as too much happens between events. Ill attempt it though. Ill also look into ithe speculation info. If anything it just might be worded wrong.Lucia Black (talk) 20:12, 12 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Plot suggestion

Note: I know nothing of the plot and all the information I received were from the plot section. The wording/grammar was vague at some parts so I had to guess what it meant. There are too many unnecessary in-game terms used and making it hard to follow. Unncessary events that did not impact the main events were removed or condensed. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 05:57, 13 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

The protagonist, an unnamed Hero, is the prisoner of the Dark Lord, an evil being who wishes to control the world by monopolizing mana, an energy source which sustains life. One day, the Hero's friend informs him of the Dark Lord's goals and urges him to seek a Knight named Bogard. As the Hero escapes imprisonment, he learns the Dark Lord is seeking a key to the Mana Tree, the supplier of the world's mana. The Hero is befriended by the unnamed Heroine who is also seeking Bogard. The two find Bogard who recommends them to meet a man named Cibba. Cibba plays a message left by the Heroine's mother who reveals she is a descendant of the guardians of the Mana Tree and that her pendant is the key to it. The Heroine gives the Hero the pendant before she is kidnapped by Juliuis, the Dark Lord's minion.

The Hero is reunited with Amanda, an escapee from his prison, who steals the pendant in order to win her brother Lester's freedom. The trader, Davias, takes the pendant but transforms Lester into a parrot. The Hero and Amanda confront a Medusa for its tear which will break the spell. They kill it but Amanda is infected by the Medusa's attack causing her to transform into one. The Hero kills her and uses her tears to break Lester's spell. Lester avenges Amanda's death by killing Davias who reveals he gave the pendant to the Dark Lord. The Hero confronts and defeats the Dark Lord; however, Hero discovers that the Heroine is under Julius' mind control and has opened the entrance to the Mana Tree. Julius reveals he is the last survivor of the Vandole empire, the empire who attempted to monopolize the Mana Tree years ago, and handily defeats the Hero.

Realizing he is powerless to defeat Julius, the Hero learns from Cibba about a powerful sword called Excalibur. After obtaining and passing the sword's trails, the Hero confronts and defeats Julius at the cost of the Mana Tree's life. The Heroine's mother reveals she is the current Mana Tree and before dying, asks the Heroine to succeed her position. The Heroine agrees and bids farewell to the Hero as she becomes the next Mana Tree.

I also suggest a little character blurb of needed, like the one I used at Tales of Graces. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 05:59, 13 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Yeah, I tried to be detailed enough but that ended up forcing me to give every detail. Ill paste this version and create a character section.Lucia Black (talk) 06:26, 13 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

You'll want to avoid repeating the whole plot in the characters section and avoid the name of in game locations unless necessary. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 08:15, 13 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Not a bad set of suggestions. Make sure to let me know when you've got the points addressed; I'll be back to take another look then. Red Phoenix ^{build the future...}_{remember the past...} 13:18, 13 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

It will be difficult. Like i said the game is very simple. And i cant make a character section without mentioning the plot, because theres virtually no character development for the characters. Afterall its an RPG on Gameboy. Its like making a character section of the first mario game.Lucia Black (talk) 21:53, 13 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

My last contributions here. A character section could add the side details to the character instead of awkwardly phasing it in the plot. "Hero, known in Japan as etc, is the protagonist of the game. He hates the dark lord because his parents were killed by etc etc. He was imprisoned by the dark lord after a failed confrontation." Also, the character section was a suggestion, it doesn't have to be implanted or is necessary. I also don't believe the plot is GA quality, seeing as it uses in-game jargon that does not add depth and makes it difficult for the general reader. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 07:39, 14 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

A lot of games use in-game jargon, but you really havent brought up any actual points other than locations. Some locations are also key plot points.I also you seem to have played Sword of Mana, the plots are vastly different. Theres no character development whatsoever. But whatever, ill find a way to make it GA quality and still mention most of the characters and most of the plot details.Lucia Black (talk) 08:53, 14 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Honestly I wouldn't even say the character section is necessary, although I wouldn't object if it was decided to be added. I'll take another look at this later today, and maybe give a hand with some copyediting before making a decision. Red Phoenix ^{build the future...}_{remember the past...} 13:23, 14 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I still need to add some refs. I didnt nominate this, but ill make it work soon.Lucia Black (talk) 04:27, 15 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I've touched up some issues with the lead, including issues with WP:NPOV and MOS:LEAD. Keep working at it, but I'd say we meet GA status at this time. I will advise you, though, going forward it's important to be mindful of how things are said in the article to avoid portraying a point of view, i.e. just saying it's one of the best games for the Game Boy is POV-ish, but saying that reviewers consider it one of the best is more neutral. Red Phoenix ^{build the future...}_{remember the past...} 02:16, 21 June 2013 (UTC) Im pretty sure it said it was considered as one. So if it didnt, then I will do better.Lucia Black (talk) 02:21, 21 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]